Men's Talk: The Quiet Stuff Men Carry
I've been thinking a lot about men lately….oh my goodness, get your mind out of the gutter…..
I was more meaning I think many of them are quietly navigating enormous changes and rarely get the opportunity to talk about them. Talk therapy ain't their jam, but they actually do enjoy getting things off their chest - in their way….
Over the years in clinic, I've sat with plenty of women who can tell me exactly how they're feeling. They know what upset them, what disappointed them, what they're processing, and often where it all began. Men, on the other hand, frequently arrive with a physical complaint and only much later does the deeper story emerge. Somewhere between talking about sleep, digestion, energy, or stress, we suddenly find ourselves discussing purpose, family, work, ageing, loss, and identity.
What strikes me is that many men have spent most of their lives carrying responsibility. They build careers, support families, solve problems, pay mortgages, and keep moving forward. For a long time, that role can feel purposeful and satisfying. Then one day life asks different questions. The children need them differently. Their career may no longer provide the same sense of fulfilment. Their bodies start offering reminders that they are no longer twenty-five. The future begins to look a little shorter than the past.
I once heard a man in the clinic say, "If I cannot provide, what good am I to her?"
My response was immediate.
"Plenty."
You provide love. You provide support. You provide companionship. You provide a steady hand when life gets messy and a place to land at the end of the day. You provide laughter, memories, reassurance, and shared dreams. Your value was never supposed to be measured solely by what arrives in a bank account.
Yet I find many men genuinely struggle with this idea. Somewhere along the way, they absorbed the message that their worth is directly linked to what they produce, what they earn, or what they achieve. As though loving deeply, showing up consistently, and being emotionally present somehow count for less than a payslip.
The irony is that when I speak to women, very few tell me they are looking for a walking ATM. What they long for is connection. Presence. Partnership. They want someone who sees them, hears them, and stands beside them as life unfolds. Of course financial security matters, but it is rarely the thing people remember most about a relationship.
I don't think what we are experiencing in these shifts is age-dependent - where maybe it was previously in the "mid-life crisis" cohort? I think it's something much more human than that. I think it is a period of reckoning where many people, particularly men, start examining the life they have built and asking themselves whether they have been living from obligation or from authenticity.
One thing I've observed over the years is that men are often drawn to women because women provide softness. We create spaces where emotions can be explored, where vulnerability is welcomed and where the armour can come off for a while. Healthy feminine energy offers nurture, intuition and emotional connection. In return, healthy masculine energy often offers grounding, direction, protection and stability. There is something deeply beautiful about that dance.
The problem is that somewhere along the way many of us forgot that these qualities live within all human beings. Men were taught to suppress their feminine qualities while women increasingly learned to suppress their masculine qualities. Men were encouraged to keep their emotions under control. Women were encouraged to become endlessly productive and independent. Both became disconnected from half of themselves.
When I look around now, I see a collective yearning to restore that balance.
I see women who are exhausted from carrying everything and are longing to soften again.
I see men who are exhausted from carrying everything and are longing to feel again.
Neither is really searching for something outside themselves. They're searching for the missing pieces within.
This is why I find the conversations happening around modern masculinity so interesting. There are more men talking openly about emotional intelligence, accountability, purpose, and personal growth than I've ever seen before. I've enjoyed listening to people like David Sutcliffe and Brandon Bozarth. Whether you agree with everything they say is beside the point. What matters is that these conversations are happening at all.
One thing David Sutcliffe shared once really made me laugh because it felt incredibly familiar. He spoke about how happy he is to listen when his wife needs to express her feelings, but joked that after about ten minutes his natural instinct is to start looking for solutions. His "fix it" hat comes on.
Honestly, I think most couples will recognise themselves somewhere in that story.
Women are often looking for someone to witness what they're feeling. Men are often looking for a way to resolve the problem. Neither approach is wrong. They're simply different. Understanding that difference can save relationships a lot of frustration.
The older I get, the more I believe it is important that women have strong female friendships and men have strong male friendships. Our partners cannot be everything to us. We need community. We need people who understand our experience. We need places where we can process, laugh, learn and grow alongside others who speak a similar language.
This is why organisations such as Mankind are doing such valuable work. They are creating environments where men can have conversations that previous generations often never had. They are helping men realise that emotional awareness doesn't weaken masculinity. It strengthens it.
We have a growing platform around the world where men can begin to feel connected to other men and work out their own way of coming back into realignment. Coffs Coast is starting to have some great offerings or places for men to land - Refined Co have been known to have a few ‘men’s only events’, likewise with @SultMovement in Bellingen.
Perhaps that is what I find most hopeful about the current generation of men. So many are becoming curious about themselves. They're questioning old stories. They're learning to lead without dominating, provide without self-sacrifice, and feel without shame. They're discovering that strength and vulnerability are not opposites. They're companions.
And maybe that's the real story here - Men are not in crisis as all; this is not about a loss of direction but an invitation.
An invitation for men to become more complete versions of themselves. To honour the provider, the protector, the father, the leader, and the warrior, while also making room for the part that feels, connects, grieves, loves, and softens.
Because the wholeness we're all searching for lives somewhere between the masculine and the feminine. Not in choosing one over the other, but in learning how to honour both.
Love,
Martine
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