Dating, Attachment Styles & The Human Patterns That Shape Our Relationships

We’re in a moment where relationships are being recalibrated. I have been saying that if you are in the same relationship since 2012, then congratulations - you are deeply entrenched in growth together that is transformative and supportive all at once, one where you are learning by reflection of each other, both how to see your own patterns and how to hand back those that are not yours.

Now I am not saying the rest of us that are still either moving through different relationships or haven't been together since 2012 are doing it differently - it is just interesting when you do life with the same person and learn these skills as opposed to learning through different souls.

None or good/bad or right/wrong - we are souls first, remember!

We are all still clearing many contracts with our connections, but I have been seeing the stirring for a few years now where it is more and more obvious when we engage in relation with one another, what is being activated and the roles we each play in these activations.

There are so many directions we can take these ponderings; however, let's focus on relationships and the journey through them with our attachment styles as the guide -  from dating to established:

DATING!

People are dating differently, choosing differently, and relating from deeper layers of their nervous system than ever before. The frequencies are pushing us into emotional sovereignty, and that means our attachment patterns — the ones formed in childhood — are rising to the surface to be seen, healed, and integrated.

Understanding your attachment style isn’t about labels. It’s about recognising why you love the way you love, why you pull close, push away, freeze, cling, or collapse — and how those patterns show up in dating, relationships, and every transition life throws at you.

Where Attachment Styles Come From (The Mother + Father Imprint)

Attachment styles form in the first years of life through:

• how your mother responded to your emotions

• how your father responded to your needs

• how safe your nervous system felt in the home

• how consistent or inconsistent comfort was

• how attuned or distracted your caregivers were

These early imprints become your blueprint for intimacy.

They shape how you bond, how you trust, how you separate, how you return, and how you handle emotional discomfort.

And because humans are human — imperfect, stressed, busy, distracted, loving but flawed — these patterns stay alive in adulthood until we consciously work with them, recognise them and make choices what we do with them when they come up.

The Four Attachment Styles 

1. Secure Attachment

Core imprint:  

“I am safe. My needs matter. People return.”

How it forms:  

Consistent comfort, attunement, emotional presence, predictable responses.

How it shows up in dating:

• steady communication

• no games

• openness without fear

• healthy pacing

• clarity around needs

How it shows up in relationships:

• conflict handled without collapse

• emotional regulation shared

• independence + connection balanced

• transitions (babies, career shifts, stress) navigated with teamwork

Homeopathic pattern:  

Phosphorus — open, warm, connected, trusting.

Now, this may be a form of attachment you do really well, but for many of us, we start out as ‘other types’ and our healing journey takes us to this process. I know for me, my journey still requires me to take a step back for a minute to allow this attachment style to shine. I may have initial reactions of anxious or avoidant attachment, but I can recognise them enough to feel the dysfunction.

2. Anxious Attachment

Core imprint:  

“Love is inconsistent. I must work hard to keep connection.”

How it forms:  

A parent who is loving but inconsistent — sometimes attuned, sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes absent, sometimes over‑involved.

How it shows up in early dating:

• overthinking texts

• fear of being “too much”

• clinging to early intimacy

• reading into silence

• needing reassurance

How it shows up in relationships:

• emotional merging

• difficulty separating

• fear of abandonment

• panic during transitions (new baby, partner stress, job changes)

• becoming the emotional anchor for everyone

Homeopathic patterns:

• Pulsatilla — soft, yielding, guilt around separation

• Ignatia — emotional spikes, grief, sensitivity

• Carcinosin — over‑responsibility, perfectionism, self‑sacrifice

3. Avoidant Attachment

Core imprint:  

“Emotions aren’t safe. I must rely on myself.”

How it forms:  

A parent who is physically present but emotionally unavailable, dismissive, or uncomfortable with feelings.

How it shows up in early dating:

• slow pacing

• keeping distance

• avoiding vulnerability

• pulling away when things get close

• preferring independence

How it shows up in relationships:

• shutting down during conflict

• needing space during transitions

• difficulty expressing needs

• withdrawing when overwhelmed

Homeopathic patterns:

• Nat mur — emotional self‑containment, walls

• Sepia — detachment from overwhelm, needing space

• Silicea — internalising emotions, self‑reliance

4. Disorganised Attachment

Core imprint:  

“I want closeness, but closeness feels unsafe.”

How it forms:  

A parent who is both the source of comfort and fear — inconsistent, overwhelmed, unpredictable, or emotionally chaotic.

How it shows up in early dating:

• hot‑cold behaviour

• intensity followed by withdrawal

• fear of abandonment + fear of intimacy

• testing connection

How it shows up in relationships:

• emotional volatility

• difficulty trusting stability

• chaos during transitions

• push‑pull dynamics

Homeopathic patterns:

• Lachesis — intensity, pressure, emotional volatility

• Stramonium — fear + closeness conflict

• Aconite — panic, shock, fear of loss

Why Attachment Styles Show Up During Transitions

Even secure couples wobble during:

• babies being born

• career changes

• financial stress

• health challenges

• moving house

• spiritual up‑levelling

• emotional expansion

• identity shifts

Transitions activate the original imprint.

Whatever your nervous system learned in childhood resurfaces when life gets big.

This is why people suddenly cling, withdraw, panic, shut down, or over‑function during major life events.

It’s not regression. It’s the blueprint asking to be updated.

Why This Matters in the Current Frequencies

Right now, the collective field is pushing us into:

• emotional sovereignty

• nervous‑system coherence

• relational clarity

• deeper self‑holding

• higher levels of responsibility for our own patterns

Old attachment wounds can’t stay hidden, but they are rising because the frequency demands integration, not avoidance.

We’re being asked to:

• stop outsourcing regulation

• stop repeating childhood patterns

• stop projecting old wounds onto partners

• stop collapsing into co‑dependency

• stop withdrawing into avoidance

• stop cycling through chaos

This is the moment where relationships either upgrade or fracture — not because of failure, but because the frequency is demanding truth.

The Holistic + Homeopathic Lens

Homeopathy doesn’t go ahead and fix the attachment processes, it supports the constitutional pattern underneath them.

Each remedy reflects a nervous‑system imprint - For example:

• Pulsatilla → anxious attachment, merging, guilt

• Calc carb → over‑responsibility, fear of collapse

• Ignatia → emotional spikes, grief loops

• Nat mur → avoidant attachment, emotional walls

• Sepia → detachment from overwhelm

• Lachesis → intensity, volatility

• Carcinosin → perfectionism, self‑sacrifice

• Phosphorus → secure openness

Shop Homeopathic Remedies

When the remedy matches the pattern, the nervous system softens and the attachment style becomes more flexible. The person becomes more sovereign. More accountable and the relationship becomes more stable.

The Closing Truth

Attachment styles aren’t flaws, they’re maps — showing you where your nervous system learned to protect you.

Dating reveals them, relationships deepen them, transitions expose them, healing integrates them and in this frequency, integration is the work.

Welcome to ‘The integration Era’! 

Love,

Martine